Guest Post - Connecting with People

The following was written and emailed to me by my friend Alex. He's fantastic at putting things in perspective in a unique, and witty way. While his original writing was four pages long, I've abridged it a bit for this type of forum. Have a read...

... One concept I’m fascinated by is just how people connect with one another, the dual process of how common bonds and a history between two people relate to the nature and strength of their relationship. For example, friends from my past, some of which I’ve known since birth, will remain in my life, barring premature death. Some friends of mine, based on our history and connection, would likely take a bullet on my behalf. They’d give me a kidney, they’d drop whatever they’re doing and come to my aid at a moments’ notice in case of emergency. I’d respond in turn the same way for them.

In some cases, if I met such life-saving friends at a later point in time, there’d be no chance we could connect in any way – an obligatory 2 minute conversation would be a trying experience, they’d probably think I’m an asshole, and may in fact actively shove me in front of a bullet if the timing were right. However, for present relationships I have, I wonder how much the basis or time of their formation plays a role in how long they’ll last. It’s all relative to the nature of the relationship, I guess. Yeah, there are still kids from my playgroup I hang out with and keep in touch with, but there are others who thankfully have peacefully exited out of my life (and I hear one such person actually had a Renaissance-themed wedding after his mother bought the ring for his fiancé…wow…).

I guess I’m just intrigued by the notion that some schlub who’s sitting across from you at a coffee shop reading a Rolling Stone magazine could have been your best friend growing up – had your mothers gotten together for lunch when they were pregnant with you – but now that person is just a schlub to you, a mere blip on your human recognition scale (I’m really not as jaded as I sound). That gorgeous NYU chick sitting next to you, reading a script for a show she’s performing in at Tisch, could be your wife – if only there was some sort of initiation (or had you been born 4 years later and decided to take up drama).

This isn’t meant to be some sappy essay about “Just look around the corner – you’ll never know who you’ll meet – maybe your true love!” The random circumstances in your life all ultimately lead you to who you know and love. The satisfaction and pleasure we derive out of our most cherished relationships, for many a crucial element of our lives, is partially based on arbitrary factors.

I just read Chuck Klosterman’s new book, “Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas,” which is perhaps aiding such a state of mind. When I met Chuck Klosterman at a signing, I asked him face to face, “So what was it like being a guy from rural North Dakota and being able to sit shotgun next to Bono in his Maseratti and interview him?” (I’m referring to another interview in his book, which basically asks the question, “Is Bono genuine in his sincerity to being a pop superstar ‘good guy’ in saving the world, or does he just do it because it’s assumed of him?”)

Klosterman’s response, which sounds kind of cheesy, was “It’s the same as meeting you right now.” Right, like I’m as charismatic as the outspoken frontman of one of rock and roll’s most successful bands. You sit shotgun next to me, Chuck, it’ll be in a ’93 Nissan Sentra, and instead of talking about viable means for ending poverty in Africa, I’ll talk about how shitty it is finding parking in Ridgewood. But I get his point, to a certain degree – each and every human being on the planet is in some way relatable to one another – we’re all a part of the human experience of being alive on this planet at the same point in time, and being able to recognize that point when your paths cross is pretty significant.

I think at the end of the day, people lose sight of the fact that in many ways, being able to connect with someone in any singular way is a pretty remarkable thing. The randomness of chance circumstances that have all collided to provide connections with people and lead to moments with friends and loved ones isn’t acknowledged enough on a daily basis. Thinking about this makes me want to read up on chaos theory (A butterfly that flaps its wings in Brazil, causes a stir of air that eventually effects the weather pattern that creates a hurricane), but I have to focus on why an aunt who leaves a gift of $1,000 to her nephew does not have a contractual obligation after her death because no consideration was involved.

I think I’ll try to contemplate how I became friends with the people I know and love the next time I see them face to face. Perhaps we’ll be in a coffee shop talking about this, and the conversation will be the one that some moody bitch rolls her eyes to.